Forgiveness Isn’t Going Back to the Way things Were

Forgiveness Isn’t Going Back to the Way things Were

Luke 17:3b-4 “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean that everything goes back to the way things were. Just because you have forgiven someone doesn’t mean that they are trustworthy now or that they wouldn’t do the same thing again if given the opportunity. It’s OK not to put yourself in situations to be hurt by the same person again.

While Jesus calls us to forgive others no matter how many times they hurt us, if we continue to allow someone to hurt us, we must ask ourselves if there is something going on inside us that is keeping us from drawing healthy boundaries. It’s healthy to set up appropriate boundaries for any future relationship. For example, while a woman in an abusive relationship is commanded to forgive, it is still appropriate for her to change her behavior so that the abuser is no longer able to abuse her.

Forgiveness: No Longer a Slave to the Past

Forgiveness: No Longer a Slave to the Past

Colossians 1:13-14 “For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

Have you ever known someone with a victim mentality? No matter what has happened or what might happen, it’s not their fault. They are always the victim of someone or something. Sometimes people’s pain helps them justify how they feel about themselves. If they were to forgive someone, then they could no longer blame that person for their being stuck, and they might have to become responsible to take steps to move forward.

The truth is, unforgiveness keeps you locked in the past. God wants you to forgive others so you can move forward with Him. He wants to lead you into your Promised Land, but He can’t take you there if you keep going back to Egypt. When you hold on to unforgiveness, it is like being tied to a bungee cord that actually keeps you tethered to your Egypt. Try as you might to leave Egypt and move forward, it will continue to pull you back. God understands that the pain of Egypt is something you may be comfortable with, but He wants you to take a bold step of faith to follow Him, even if it feels scary. Follow Him to a land that He will show you.

If you have unforgiveness in your life, the next step of your Exodus journey is probably forgiveness.

Forgiveness Comes in One Big Package

Forgiveness Comes in One Big Package

2 Corinthians 2:10-11 “If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven  ― if there was anything to forgive  ― I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”

Is there someone you are having difficulty forgiving? If you refuse to forgive someone, you sow seeds into the field of your mind that say, “You have to do something to earn forgiveness.” When those seeds take root, your subconscious mind tells you that you have to earn God’s forgiveness. But God’s forgiveness comes in one big package. It is an act of mercy; there is nothing you can do to earn it. By forgiving others (even though they may not have earned it), we are equipped to fully accept and experience God’s forgiveness for us.

Sometimes people have difficulty forgiving because they have the wrong perception of what forgiveness is. When you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean that your memory banks are wiped clean like when you reboot a computer. You will still remember what happened. However, forgiveness is a part of the healing process that allows the wounds of past memories to heal. Just like in our physical bodies, even when wounds heal, they can leave scars. True healing comes when we are able to see our scars as reminders of God’s faithfulness to bring us through situations rather than as a reminder of our pain. Forgiving others as God has forgiven you helps you focus your mind on what God has done to help you overcome your pain.

Forgiving someone is not saying that what the offender did is now OK. If what they did was wrong, it’s still wrong and forgiving them won’t make it right. You can forgive someone but still believe what they did was wrong. In our relationship with God, sin is sin. God doesn’t lower his expectations or wink at sin so that we are “OK,” He forgives us.

Do You Need to Change Your Glasses?

Do You Need to Change Your Glasses?

Matthew 6:9-13  “This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts (sins), as we also have forgiven our debtors (those who sin against us). And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.'”

Matthew 6:14-15  “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” 

People can be really cruel. Sometimes people who are hurting and wounded lash out and hurt others. Given how cruel people can be, it seems that someone could do something that we feel is impossible to forgive. But Jesus taught us to pray, “God forgive us as we forgive others.” Why did He do that? And while it seems easier to forgive others for things they didn’t intend to do, how do we forgive someone who has intentionally hurt us?

Let’s look at how Jesus handled it. While Jesus was dying on the cross and the soldiers were casting lots for his clothes, he said “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34). What? Anyone could see that these guys were professionals and knew exactly what they were doing. But Jesus didn’t look at them through the same glasses through which others saw them. He didn’t see the soldiers as the enemy; they were who he came to save. Instead, He recognizes that the real battle is between His Father and Satan, and He knows they are fighting over the souls of all men, including the soldiers. On that level, they were clueless pawns; victims who were being lost in the war for men’s souls.

For us to really forgive someone, we have to look at them through God’s eyes. Then we will be transformed by the renewing of our minds and can test and approve what God’s will is  ― His good, pleasing, and perfect will: forgiveness. Instead of looking at others through a lens of our pain or of their actions, which makes it virtually impossible to forgive them, we must change our glasses. We must see them through God’s eyes.

How to deal with extra “Turkeys” at your Thanksgiving Dinner

How to deal with extra “Turkeys” at your Thanksgiving Dinner

Going home for the holidays can often bring a mixed bag of feelings: the excitement of fond memories to be made as well as the stress of certain relational dynamics. When you are packing your bags this year, also think about what you need to put into your heart to be prepared for the “drama” you may encounter when you get there or when family comes to you.

Every family has its “Holiday Play.” If you think about it long enough, you can probably imagine how things will play out when you get together. While you can’t control what other people will be doing, you can control how you choose to react to it. Your reaction to anything says more about what is going on inside of you than what you are reacting to.

Before you go home or family comes to you, take time to think through the various scenes that may be acted out in your family holiday play. You likely know the “lines” of each family member. Do you need to change your “lines” in response to theirs? Keeping the welfare of your heart in focus, ponder how you can best respond to these roles your family members may play.

The Advice Giver: If someone is prone to give you advice, will you get defensive, or will you say, “Thank you for sharing that, I will take some time when I get home to think through what you’ve said.” Then, do what you feel God is leading you to do. Keep in mind you only have one God in your life and that best not be mom or dad.

The Critic: If someone is critical of you, will you lash back or will you respond to your own heart as an ally? Others may be your critic, but you can still be your gardener. Remember, your brain only listens to you. You ultimately decide what you tell yourself no matter what others say or do. Touch base with your heart and see what you need. You may even find yourself needing to write yourself an ally letter or simply say to yourself something like, “Heart, I am sorry you had to hear those hurtful words. I am here for you and I am for you no matter what others say. You are okay by me.”

The Rager: If someone breaks out in an angry rage, will you get angry back, or withdraw, or will you say, “I see you are angry right now. I am going to go in the other room, and if you get to a place where we can have a calm conversation about this, let me know.”

The Braggart: This person, perhaps a sibling, will only be able to get to you if you feel you have something to prove. If you are okay with yourself, you don’t have to “one-up” them. Remind yourself of your own worth and value. Then you can say, “I am happy for you for that accomplishment.” Or, “Congratulations.” Or, “I am glad things are going well for you.”

The Black Sheep: Maybe with the gardening skills you have now, you will be able to be someone who can listen with love and understanding. There is a reason that person became the black sheep, and your acceptance of them as a person, without having to approve of their behavior, could be a turning point for them and you!

The Alcoholic: Boundaries with an addict look something like this. “I care about you, but if you choose to continue drinking and acting like this around me and my family, we are going to have to change our plans.” The key with an addict is that you do not try to get them to change their behavior, but allow them to make their choices. However, you make it clear what your choices will be should they choose to continue their poor choices. Just be prepared to follow through on what you say!

The Downer: This can be a difficult person to be around especially when you want to enjoy the holidays. The tendency with this person is to try to cheer them up, fix their problems or dismiss their concerns. Often times this person is just needing validation. When they get it, they may not feel the need to keep looking for it. Validation might sound like, “I am sorry things are so rough for you right now.” Or, “I could see why that is hard for you.” “That does sound depressing.” If you are honest with yourself, you don’t want someone trying to get you to look on the bright side when you are feeling down.

The Controller: A person can only be controlled if they let someone control them. We teach people how to treat us. You may not have had a choice as a child when someone controlled you, but you do as an adult. Children are at the mercy of the way things are, but adults get to decide the way things are going to be. The key is healthy, appropriate boundaries. Remember, a person can’t cross your boundary if you have one.

Practice Makes Permanent! Rehearse your new lines before “curtain time” and the family drama begins. Remember: You can’t change others, but as you change, others around you will have to change. “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23

Praying you have an amazing Thanksgiving!

Jim & Kathie Hobson

The New Online Portal

We have exciting news! All of The Ultimate Journey materials are now available digitally online through our new Online Portal. That includes audio-books and teaching videos for ALL THREE PHASES as well as PDF’s of the most current TUJ materials that you can read online or print.

Have you ever wanted to go back over those life transforming truths that impacted you when going through The Ultimate Journey (formerly The Christ-Life Solution) but couldn’t find the time to go back through it all? Now you can! With our new Online Portal, by simply listening to the audio-books while you go about your normal life activities, or by watching a powerful teaching video while sitting in the comfort of your home, those truths you learned will be reinforced and you will gain new insights to help you continue growing forward.

In the future, when new participants are registering for The Ultimate Journey, they will receive everything they need in a digital format through the Online Portal. While not necessary, after registering, participants will have the opportunity to purchase hard copies of the books for an additional $20 per book.

As our alumni, we want to make the Online Portal available to you! If you are a monthly donor, you have already been given access for free. If you are not currently a monthly donor, you can have free access by becoming a monthly donor, or by making a one-time minimum donation of $20 for each phase you want to access ($60 for all three phases). (Note: This special alumni offer is only for those phases you have already completed. If you have not completed a phase, you will need to go through the normal registration process for that phase.)

When making your donation, you must add this comment to the Notes Field “Phase X Online Portal” inserting the Phase number(s) you want in place of the X. If you don’t add this comment, we have no way of knowing you are wanting the Online Portal access so your donation will be treated as a general donation. Click here to make your donation and receive your free Online Portal access. When we process your donation, we will send you an email with instructions to reset your password and log in to the Online Portal (This could take up to 2 business days). Also, our new Online Portal requires email verification so you will receive an additional email asking you to verify your email address.

Your Online Portal access will remain open as long as you don’t opt out of our emails or jeopardize our status with email providers by not opening any of our correspondence for over six months. Emailing to inactive accounts causes email providers to classify our emails as spam and thereby block our emails to everyone.

We trust you will be blessed as you take advantage of this new tool and go back over those life transforming truths. If you have any questions about this, please feel free to email us at info@theultimatejourney.org or call our offices at (515) 251-6838.

Love and appreciate you!

Jim Hobson

Need help sharpening or using your TUJ tools?

It’s time. Take the next step!

It’s time. Take the next step!

February 2015

Growing Forward

Did you make any New Year’s resolutions?  More resolutions.  More commitments.  More willpower.  Perhaps your top resolution this year should be to abandon ship.  Read more.

Nuggets of Truth

“Got buttons?  Someone can only ‘push your buttons’ … if you … Read more.

Do you remember?

 

While we have no control over the actions of others, we do have choices as to how we will respond.  The important thing isn’t what others say or do, but rather how we respond.  Let’s take another look at “The Mysterious Lagoon” you live in.  Read more.

Kids Corner 

Check out Kathie Hobson’s most recommended books for children that teach TUJ principles. Read more about how to use these great books for kids.  

He’s working! 

“They didn’t know I was holding a loaded 45.” Wow!  You really have to check out this amazing two minute video.  Watch 2-minute video