November 6th, 2023
Are you making plans to reconnect with family over the upcoming holidays? If you are, remember, the hardest place to not fall back into old childhood patterns is with your family. Whether it is shame, pain, rejection, unforgiveness, having to be the responsible one, or just plain not feeling good enough, those old mental patterns you worked so hard to replace can come flooding back. But you don’t have to face it alone! This year, …
…make plans to take your Adult Ally with you. Of course, now that you are an adult, your brain only listens to you. That means, Your Adult Ally Is You!
Just because you are getting together with family, it doesn’t mean you have to revert back to your old childhood patterns and conform back into the old family system. Instead, when you feel yourself being pulled back into that old pattern, you can choose to respond with TACT.
1) Identify what is Triggering you.
2) Acknowledge and accept any feelings you are having.
3) Comfort yourself by paying attention to what you need to hear from yourself as the ally.
4) Talk Truth to yourself by identifying the messages/lies you are believing regarding the situation and then replacing them with the truth.
Want more details on how to do this? Click here for a free download of our Allying Yourself Handbook
November 3rd, 2023
Does Someone Have to Ask for Forgiveness Before I Forgive Them?
Romans 5:8 “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Does someone have to ask for forgiveness before I forgive them? No. While it might be easier to forgive when someone asks you to, you don’t have to be trapped in the bondage of unforgiveness waiting for them to pop the question. God forgave man even before Adam sinned. That’s why Jesus was chosen to be the lamb slain before the creation of the world. Many people do not receive God’s forgiveness because their pride tells them they don’t need forgiveness or their low sense of self-worth tells them they aren’t worth forgiving. God’s forgiveness is not the issue. It is man’s willingness to receive forgiveness. It is man’s unwillingness to repent and receive forgiveness that separates him from God. Following that example, we should forgive others irrespective of their actions. It is then up to them whether they receive it.
November 3rd, 2023
Forgiveness Isn’t Going Back to the Way things Were
Luke 17:3b-4 “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”
Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean that everything goes back to the way things were. Just because you have forgiven someone doesn’t mean that they are trustworthy now or that they wouldn’t do the same thing again if given the opportunity. It’s OK not to put yourself in situations to be hurt by the same person again.
While Jesus calls us to forgive others no matter how many times they hurt us, if we continue to allow someone to hurt us, we must ask ourselves if there is something going on inside us that is keeping us from drawing healthy boundaries. It’s healthy to set up appropriate boundaries for any future relationship. For example, while a woman in an abusive relationship is commanded to forgive, it is still appropriate for her to change her behavior so that the abuser is no longer able to abuse her.